Shauna's Place
Meet Our Friend Shauna, an Empowering Woman on a Journey
This is Shauna MacLean page. this is her story, in her words. We feel honnered she is sharing her story with us.We know, we can all learn from her courage, and her grace. In return we can share her story with others, that we know who may be facing simular challanges in their lives.We also belive in the power of positive thoughts and enegry, and for Shauna her husband and her 5 year old son, we can send our thoughts and positive enegry and encourgament. there is power in numbers. Shauna will be keeping us posted with her progress.
This is Shauna's Story
My story starts on October 22, 2006. I was in the shower and found a lump in my right breast. Needless to say I was completely terrified. I continued to check repeatedly throughout the day, had my husband check and yes there was a large mass.
I went to my family doctor’s office the next morning without an appointment and when his secretary saw me she knew there was something wrong. She asked how she could help me and I immediately started to cry. I managed to tell her what was wrong and she told me to have a seat, my doctor would see me in a few minutes.
When I went into his office I was again in tears and he told me to try to worry so much. He examined me and found the same lump that I did. He told me that he did not feel that it was anything to worry about but he would set up an appointment for a mammogram as soon as possible.
I had my mammogram a couple of weeks later and there was a mass! Next it was time for an ultrasound – the mass was 57mm. Finally in January it was time for a needle biopsy – ouch! All tests showed there was a mass but all tests showed it was benign.
I spoke to my family doctor repeatedly throughout this time frame and continued to express that this just didn’t feel right to me. He stated that he understood and would refer me to a surgeon to have the mass removed.
This is where the battle started. I saw the surgeon several times over the next few months and I always left her office in tears – I felt like I was bothering her! She basically told me there was nothing wrong with me and that I was over reacting to what I had found. As far as she could tell I had fibrocystic breasts.
Finally, in May, 2007, I reached my breaking point. I demanded that she remove the lump ASAP. I had a lumpectomy at the end of June and after surgery she told my husband, "If this is breast cancer, I’ll find a new job!"
As far as we were concerned, I was safe – after all, she is the doctor! At this point, I relaxed. I let my guard down and finally stopped worrying for the first time in 8 months. We were so relieved.
On July 18th, I picked up my voicemail at my work and there was a message from my doctor’s secretary – he needs to see me today at 3PM. It was a good thing that there was a chair behind me, because I would have hit the floor – I knew in my heart that I had breast cancer. I was freaking out, I thought this was over! Boy was I wrong! You see I know this is bad news because my doctor does not have office hours on Wednesday!
I immediately called my husband, Sheldon, but he already knew because he had checked the voicemail at home. Oddly enough, he was at the cancer centre with a patient. He is a paramedic so he is there frequently. We both left work early and spent some time talking. He was trying to keep me grounded and I just knew this was bad.
We got to the doctor’s office and I was nauseated to say the least. We only waited 2 or 3 minutes but it was like an eternity – then he came out to get us. At this point my knees are weak and I am shaking. When we all sat down he just looked at me and said, "I don’t have good news" and I said, "I didn’t think you did."
He read me the pathology report to Sheldon and I – we both cried! He told me then that I am having a right modified radical mastectomy next Friday, July 27th and I said "No, I’m not, I’m having both breasts off at the same time." He then told me "that’s a discussion you’ll have to have with the surgeon." He spent well over an hour with us to go over everything and answer any questions we had.
I felt like someone had just kicked me in the stomach. Before we left the office my doctor mad me say "I have Breast Cancer". That was a tough sentence to get out to say the least. When we left the doctor’s office it was time to tell Sheldon’s parents, my Mom and my Sister. This was extremely difficult – I don’t even remember what we said to any of them.
The next week we met with the surgeon again – and to be honest I was angry when I got to her office but I was ready to blow up when I saw her. She was still minimizing what was wrong with me and I was ready to scream!
When I told her I wanted both breasts removed she flatly refused. She tried to tell me it was not only my decision to make, that it was a couple’s decision. Sheldon did not agree with her on this point, he feels that it is my decision to make because it is my body. We continued to go back and forth over this point and she was quoting statistics with regards to depression in women who remove both breasts at the same time. I told her I didn’t care about depression, I can take a pill for that!
Sheldon was very frustrated with her and he told her so in no uncertain terms. I have to say I felt better after telling her how I felt and it was at that point she said, "Well, if you feel that you don’t have confidence in me I suggest you find another surgeon." I’m sure that my reply surprised her when I said, "I already tried but the surgeon I want is on vacation so I’m stuck with you! Let’s get this over with."
The day of the surgery was stressful at best. Everyone was on pins and needles, watching the minutes tick on – then they took me 30 minutes early! As Sheldon and I sat in the O.R. holding area, the surgeon once again tried to talk me out of removing my left breast – I am still holding my ground! I am determined, if nothing else. This is what I want.
I said goodbye to Sheldon and walked to the O.R. with a nurse. It was cold in there and there was a sea of instruments along the wall. Wow! I got up on the table and then it was time for the anesthesiologist to start his work. As I am having a nerve block put in my back the surgeon once again tries to change my mind about removing the second breast. She just doesn’t get it – this is my body and I make the choices, not her. I once again stuck to my original choice – bilateral mastectomies. Finally, she agreed!
When I woke up the pain was not as bad as I had expected. I spent 3 days in the hospital and went home on Monday morning.
I still had a drain coming out from under the bandages on both sides and the VON nurse came every day to empty these in the morning – I had to do it at night – YUCK! This was the part that frightened my 4 year old son the most, Mommy has tubes coming out of her skin and there is blood in the drains! He asked if all of my blood was going to fall out - this broke my heart and I cried, more for him than me! I learned how to wash my hair in the bathroom sink even with the limited arm movement. Amazing what you can work around!
I managed to get through the next few weeks with the help of my husband, mom, sister, in-laws and friends. I had lots of visitors to keep me company, phone calls too. The weather was great so I could spend time out on the deck – in the shade of course. I was able to attend my son’s soccer practice and games; he was thrilled to have Mommy home!
I had lots of time to think and get even more determined to beat this dreaded disease. In my opinion, I did not have a choice, I had to win. I have everything to live for. I have a wonderful husband and an amazing son, once again, I am lucky!
I started chemo on August 20th and it wasn’t as bad as I had expected. Starting the IV was the worst part. I have horrible veins so the decision was made to insert a portacath to make it easier for everyone.
Shortly after my portacath insertion, I contacted a professional photographer to see if he was interested in following my journey through breast cancer. He said yes. We took some topless photos a few days later along with clothed photos to portray where I am at this point. I still had hair then!
The photos he took were amazing and very powerful! He was gracious and professional as I knew he would be. I expected him to be shocked when he saw me – but he only showed it for a second and then it was back to business.
He came to my next 2 chemo treatments with me and captured the reality of chemo. There are photos of my best friend with me at one session and my sister at another. He captured the laughter and the tears of this whole process. Later on there are pics of my husband at chemo with me. He is always snapping shots to capture my emotions and those of whoever is with me.
Exactly 2 weeks after my first chemo, my hair started to fall out. This was horrible. It was much worse that I had expected. Thankfully, my best friend Rachael owns a hair salon so I was able to have my hair tidied up after hours and in private. My sister took lots of pics that day as the 3 of us laughed and cried. Less than a week later, I shaved my head completely. I was tired of having patchy hair. I had purchased a wig but I hated it. Being bald really isn’t bad. I actually like it.
I had chemo every 3 weeks until December 12th and it was only delayed once due to an infection. I must admit that chemo wasn’t nearly as bad as I had expected. I never got sick once. Luck must have had something to do with it I’m sure!
I’m not going to lie and say there haven’t been days when felt like giving up because that would be a bold faced lie. 99.9% of the time I know I can win this battle. I am currently working part time – that is all I am physically able to do. Some days I can’t work and my employer has been more than willing to work around my appointment schedule – I am very lucky.
I made a decision early on that I was comfortable with who I am and what I look like. I choose not to wear my wig. I am bald, so what! Some days I wear my prosthesis, most days I don’t.
My reason for sharing my story is to bring awareness to breast cancer and what the journey can be like. It does not have to be a death sentence it can be a liberating experience. I have learned a lot about myself and those around me.
I guess my motto is "I have cancer; cancer does not have me!"
The Latest Updates from Shauna
3 post s
12-Jan-2008
7:04 AM  |
I have now completed 8 of my 25 radiation treatments. They are much easier than the chemo because they are not invasive, there is no poking with needles and such. They are harder because I am exposed from the waist up for the aligning process and there are always at least 2-3 techs in the room. I guess everything in this process has its pros and cons. The best part of the whole process is I get to meet great new people each time and they are all so kind and caring that it is amazing. I had a rough day yesterday but today is much better and I am feeling like myself again. I will be having more photos taken next week to continue with our documentation of this journey I am on....they are always a powerful reminder of what we can do to help ourselves and others around us.....that's all for this week!
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4 post s
21-Jan-2008
6:46 PM |
Today was #14 of 25 radiation treatments....I now have a square patch of what looks like a sunburn! Almost ironic how I always wanted a tan and knew I should not being doing it and now they are "burning" my skin on purpose...funny huh?
I am smiling as I type and think of how lucky I really am, even with cancer. I am surrounded by amazing people each and every day and I have a whole new appreciation for life. It was really cold today and I was happy to be able to see my breath in the air when I went out to clean off the car, I am ALIVE!
I am finally starting to see the light at the end of my "tunnel" and is bright and welcoming; I look foward to basking in the light with my family and friends for a long long time to come.
take care every one
Shauna
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